Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
