My underwear smells like fireworks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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