you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the liver wants what the liver wants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
