you would pick up someone in the library
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
