sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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