I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
