were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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