3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
