is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
