remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
