i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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