I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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