dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
