It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
