Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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