please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
