I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
