so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
