Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
