what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
