I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
