so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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