I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
