Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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