Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
