Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
