it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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