that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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