Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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