There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
