Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
