my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A+ Viking dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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