Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
