Yo dont text me then not text me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
