hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
