If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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