Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
