and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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