So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
