dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
