Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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