I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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