No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize