Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
