I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
