Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Alive.
So much puke
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
