Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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