haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i believe in u and ur pee
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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