Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
