Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
