We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize