Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
