why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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