I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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