Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
