I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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