When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
