I think my vagina is haunted
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
tell me about the fingering
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
