Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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