another moral hangover. fuck.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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