Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
