So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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