i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
