some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
