Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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