I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
