You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
