Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
