i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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